The talking cat

Talking TomCat for PC Free Download

The Android app store, Google Play has got thousands of games waiting to be installed on your Android. There are some games/apps which have found their ways to all major mobile operating systems and one of the best is ‘Talking Tom Cat’.

Now, its very news that talking cat for pc is available for free download. If you are gaming addict and love to play games on your portable gadget, then you must be familiar with this popular game.

‘Talking Tom Cat Application comes in the ‘Fun’ category and even leads the queue there. The game has tasted a huge success on both the Android and iOS and its fanbase keeps building. There are many people who don’t have access to high-end devices due to a lack of funds. However, all is not lost – this post is written so that everyone can enjoy this game on their PC’s. For another fun game see Candy Crush Saga free download PC.

Talking TomCat for PC Download Free Easily

Note : There are many ways to enjoy Talking Tom Cat on your PC but most of the methods involve the downloading of .swf file, in which you are only allowed to play a restricted version. You may be shocked but it’s true, you can’t speak to the funny cat and have your words repeated back. Seems like there is little point to the SWF version, so don’t bother downloading this.

The talking cat

Don’t worry though!! This process below will allow you to enjoy the real Talking Tom Cat for Computer with the voice input feature for which you need to have a microphone.

  • First of all, download the Blue Stacks.
  • It’s an emulator to play Android games on PC. You can download it from here.
  • After downloading, install the same in your computer.
  • By default, it will get installed in the drive, in which Windows is installed.
  • Of course, you can choose any drive.
  • Now you need to download the .apk file of ‘Talking Tom Cat’.
  • If you have already it with you, then you can simply upload it by using ‘Browse’ option.
  • You can use the ‘Search’ feature to search for .apk file of ‘Talking Tom Cat’ which you have downloaded in computer.
  • From the search results, click and download it
  • The process will require you to download the graphic files.
  • Do what is required, to proceed further.
  • Within a few seconds, Talking Cute Cat will be installed and you can enjoy it on your PC.

Talking Cat for PC or Computer Free Download and How to Use?

Now just use your microphone to say anything. The funny cat will catch your words and then will repeat them in a funny tone which we find hilarious. You can use your mouse to play with the body of the cat.

So are you ready to laugh your head of at the talking tom cat ? Then go ahead and download the Talking Cat for pc or computer and start playing it now. Don’t forget to share your experience with us via the comment box below.

Disclaimer : As notified above also, this is not the official version of the app, but has been incorporated into a computer version using various third-party software which is not linked with that app.

‘Hocus Pocus’ Turns 20: Meet the Voice Behind Binx the Talking Cat

Halloween movies are supposed to be terrifying. Gory. Filled with blood-curdling screams and face-eating zombies and hatchet-wielding villains played by Hollywood’s most menacing actors. They’re not, traditionally, supposed to feature a choreographed musical number, endear audiences to a precocious talking cat, or star a villain played by…Bette Midler.

Yet Hocus Pocus, which was released twenty years ago this year, features all of those things and has, implausibly, become a cherished entry in the Halloween-movie canon. (Just ask Buzzfeed. )

It’s an utterly silly movie, which should surprise no one who learns that it stars Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker. They’re sister witches by way of Larry, Curly, and Moe—decked in hideously fun costumes, campy personalities, and, on Midler at least, glorious fake teeth. (All the better to chew scenery with.) There’s an endearingly complicated mythology to track, with the sisters on a mission to devour the souls of children—only after performing a production number, naturally—as an intrepid teen (Omri Katz), his crush (Vinessa Shaw), his sister (Thora Birch), and a talking cat named Thackery Binx team up to stop them.

There’s a lot of things to love about Hocus Pocus. The talking cat may be the thing to love the most.

On the occasion of Hocus Pocus’s 20 th anniversary (which was, absurdly, not on Halloween but actually in oh-so-haunted July), we called up the voice of said talking cat, Jason Marsden to talk about the film’s shoot and lasting popularity. While you would definitely recognize Marsden’s voice, you would be surprised by how often you’d recognize his face—especially if you’re a nostalgia-loving millennial.

In addition to voicing Binx, Marsden played Eric’s best friend on Boy Meets World, D.J.’s rich boyfriend on Full House, and J.T.’s friend on Step By Step. He also voiced Max in A Goofy Movie. In other words, millennials, he was your childhood. Here’s what he had to say about starring as a talking cat in Hocus Pocus…and, you know, all your favorite shows.

Were you aware that 20 years had passed since the movie came out?

I can’t believe it. I didn’t realize it until you let me know! But, wow, 20 years. I was—I must’ve been 18? My gosh.

So how did 18-year-old Jason Marsden get cast as the voice of a talking cat in Hocus Pocus?

It’s funny. I actually read for the role of Max, which was cast as the awesome Omri Katz, who I worked with when I was 17 on Eerie, Indiana. And then I was working on a show called Boy Meets World

…and we worked on the Disney lot in Burbank, California. They were also shooting Hocus Pocus on the Disney lot. So I would go over all the time to visit Omri and hang out. I’d sneak a peek and see the witches and hang on the set. Then several months later I get a call to audition for Binx. I went in and I got a call back with director Kenny Ortega. Shortly after that, I was booked. I spent about two or three ADR sessions doing it.

What did you think when you saw the actual cat, Binx, with the animatronics?

It was great. At the time, it was animatronic and also CG. It was very primitive CG. It looked astounding. I just watched the film a couple of weeks ago. Compared to what we see today it’s a little dated (laughs). But at the time, it was the most amazing thing. As I was recording, the animation wasn’t quite finished yet. And Sean Murray, who plays the human version of Thackery Binx in the film, was the voice first. They were using him first and animating his performance.

Do you know why they decided to dub over Sean’s voice?

It’s absolutely no detriment to Sean, who’s a friend and fantastic actor. It’s one of those things that happen in movies all the time. Movies are shot, written, go into production, and then take on a voice of their own. Sean has a very contemporary sound. After it was all said and done, they—and I’m sure they worked with him on this—after the movie evolved they thought it would be more realistic, since the witches come from this time period, that Binx should also have an affected accent.

I think that a lot of people—because I’m certainly one of them—never knew that another actor did the cat’s voice, because when Sean plays human Binx it’s still your voice that we hear.

Right. So not only did I have to do Binx, I had to lip Sean as well. (Laughs.) I’m sure he loved that.

What was your impression of the film the first time you saw it?

I loved it. First off, I love Halloween. This is, like, my month. It was so vibrant and colorful. And, you know, Bette Midler and Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker are just amazing in it. It’s got a family-friendly feel, but it’s a little bit menacing at times. It’s a little bit scary! I was showing it to my three-and-a-half year old son and some parts were a little much. What astounded me—I don’t know if you remember—but it wasn’t released on Halloween.

I know! It was released in July. So, so strange.

It was very crazy. That staggered me. I was like, “This is a Halloween movie! It takes place on Halloween! Release it on Halloween!” The whole business of when you release movies still staggers me. But I’m so pleased that it—and I’ve only realized it the past couple of years—that people watch it every Halloween like they watch A Christmas Story every Christmas.

Do you have a favorite scene?

I love the opening, the whole opening when we meet the witches and the kidnap Binx’s sister. I also love the musical sequence. I mean, it kind of breaks the thread of reality a little bit, but I’m a sucker for musical sequences, which is also Kenny Ortega’s forte. He’s a choreographer.

You can’t have Bette Midler in the movie without having her sing a campy song.

Right on. Exactly.

So 20 years later, the movie is so popular I think it’s safe to say there’s an obsession with. What is it about it that has kept everyone so excited about it for two decades now?

I think it’s just one of those lightning in a bottle kind of movies. It’s perfect for families. For those who are into Halloween, you can’t beat it. Now we’re all into, you know, Twilight and vampires and werewolves, and witches go along with that potpourri perfectly. It’s probably a hybrid of all that.

There’s also this whole obsession with nostalgia now among millennials. Now your early acting and voice credits is a list of, like, all the things that millennials are obsessed from growing up: Hocus Pocus. Voicing Max in A Goofy Movie. Starring on Boy Meets World, Step By Step, Full House. And now they’re all having a resurgence in popularity. Are you getting a sense…

That I’m getting old? (Laughs.)

. that these things are all becoming popular again?

I’m definitely getting a sense of that, especially now with social networking. In the digital age, we’re so aware of everything, and it’s in your face. Ever since I started my Twitter account, this has really come to the forefront. It feels good! I’m not Tom Cruise, man. I’m not a household name. But I’m proud that I worked on a bunch of stuff that people will remember, hopefully, or that they’ll share for years to come. There’s a little bit of a legacy going on. It feels great, man.

And now Boy Meets World is being rebooted. You and Will Friedle were actually good friends growing up, right?

We are besties! He was the best man at my wedding. We have traveled together. I don’t think he would be the man he is today without me.

What was it like being his best friend and playing his best friend on Boy Meets World.

We met when I auditioned for another Michael Jacobs show prior to Boy Meets World called Almost Home, which was originally named The Torkelsons. It was three guys then: me, Will, and Rider Strong’s older brother, Shiloh. I booked it and sent Will back to Connecticut crying. Then Almost Home did its run and after that I auditioned for Boy Meets World. I went with it. I went to network. I read and it was between me and Will. I was like, you know what? I can’t let this poor kid go back to Connecticut. I’ll let him have it. No, truth be told he won that fair and square. But luckily, Michael Jacobs still liked me. They wrote that part for me on Boy Meets World to play his friend, and Will and I instantly hit it off.

Actually, it’s a funny story—I haven’t told many people this. The night after the final network audition for Boy Meets World, I went to Universal Studios and Universal City Walk to blow off some steam—I knew I hadn’t booked it—and who do I see walking towards me but Will and his father. And I said, “Hey! Look! It’s the twerp who stole my job!”

It’s totally not earnest, but I’m a huge Will and Grace fan, so one of the guest roles I remember you best from is playing the “pocket gay” who goes on a date with Will.

That’s another Halloween-themed episode! “It’s the Gay Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” I think was the name of the episode.

You can’t escape Halloween. So how was shooting with those guys at Will and Grace?

It was great. I had just gotten off of Step By Step, which was a very nurturing family environment. I’m probably just talking shit, but when I came onto Will and Grace it was a different environment. The industry was shifting and writers were becoming predominant in the success of shows. So whereas, for example, on Step By Step we were free to ad-lib and try stuff that may not work, on Will and Grace, they made it very clear that I needed to stick to the script or try anything or you’ll be replaced. So that was not the most welcoming thing, and it was a little bit uncomfortable. But I have to say that the absolute nicest people were Sean Hayes, Megan Mullally, and Harry Connick Jr.

That’s good to hear.

They were. Absolutely hands down. It was supposed to be two episodes, but I think my uncomfortability and my tendency to run my mouth kept from me coming back for the second episode—as I’m doing right now—but I love it. I seem to get noticed for that more than anything else, recently. They did hundreds of episodes of that show, but that one seems to rerun the most.

I was looking at your IMDb credits. And you have an astounding 180 acting credits on your resume. That’s an insane number.

That feels great, Kevin. In this industry, it’s a business. It’s more business than it is show. There are thousands of actors in the union and a very small percentage of us can say we are working actors. Some of us book a job, get in the union, and never work again. I’m very fortunate and so lucky to be working still. It feels great. It feels good to know that I have the talent and the personality that people like me enough to keep hiring me. And I never take that for granted.

Finally, in the spirit of Hocus Pocus, what are your Halloween plans this year?

We just moved to Nashville, Tennessee. We just found out today that a huge storm is coming in tomorrow. Our plan was to take our son trick or treating. We still need to see if that will happen, or if we need to postpone it. But our plan is to dress our son up as a mummy and take him through the neighborhoods to do his thing.

Search your favorite song for free

Stina and Mossy usually fight instead of communicate, so this was an odd moment. They kept «talking» for about one hour, constantly. Thanks for all the positive .

  • Published: Sep 01, 2012
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Talking Kitty Cat

The talking cat

In this episode, Steve’s landlord comes over. Since pets aren’t allowed in the home, Sylvester, Gibson and Shelby are forced to hide. Sylvester refuses to to play .

  • Published: Mar 29, 2014
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By World’s Fuzziest Videos

The talking cat


4. Talking Cats Saying «No» to Bath — A Funny Cats In Water Compilation [PART 2]

  • Published: Sep 03, 2016
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By mihaifrancu

The talking cat

This is part 2 of funny cats saying no to bath. For funny cats in water check out these funny cat videos. Usually a cat in water is a cat saying no.

5. Talking Kitty Cat 55 — A Cat’s Revenge

  • Published: May 24, 2017
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Talking Kitty Cat

The talking cat

Sylvester has had enough of Shelby, Gibbyson and Random kitty. He comes up with a plan that has the entire house terrified. Except for the dog, who is still .

6. The Cat That Hacked The Votes

  • Published: Aug 02, 2017
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Talking Kitty Cat

The talking cat

Sylvester the talking kitty cat doesn’t understand politics as he rigs a vote to potentially harm the dog. One kitty goes missing and one human nearly gets .

  • Published: Mar 25, 2016
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By World’s Fuzziest Videos

The talking cat


8. Cats Talking With Their Humans Compilation 2015 [NEW]

  • Published: Sep 22, 2015
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By FunnyClix

The talking cat

These cats really love talking and having a conversation with their humans. // Subscribe to our channel, share and thumb up this video // If you have copyright .

9. Talking Cat Compilation | Compilation | AFV

  • Published: Nov 13, 2013
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By America’s Funniest Home Videos

The talking cat

A talking cat compilation you’ll love more than a cat chasing a laser pointer. SUBSCRIBE: Want a chance to be on AFV? UPLOAD YOUR .

10. Talking cat says Oh Long Johnson

  • Published: Apr 10, 2013
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By meatpockets00

The talking cat

reposted. gotta love that cat. «Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for «fair use» for purposes such as criticism, .

11. Talking Kitty Cat 51 — Kicked Out!

  • Published: Jan 02, 2017
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Talking Kitty Cat

The talking cat

Sylvester the Talking Kitty Cat is pissed off about the family’s decision to keep ‘Gibbyson’, Random Kitty’s baby. Steve learns that having ‘too many pets’ has .

12. Talking Kitty Cat 54 — The dog ate WHAT!?

  • Published: Mar 30, 2017
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Talking Kitty Cat

The talking cat

Our dog (Shelby) ate something she wasn’t supposed to. The cat’s reaction was purely anger and frustration. Sylvester shows his attitude as Random kitty does .

  • Published: Nov 19, 2007
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Talking Animals

The talking cat

And here’s what it sounds like if you have your babel fish in your ear translating for you. Video by Andrew Grantham: — twitter: .

  • Published: Oct 15, 2015
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Markiplier

The talking cat

Cats don’t go nyan, they go MEOW! WOOF ▻ Behold the result of 8 hours of wasted time in an effort to make the stupidest video I .

15. Talking Kitty Cat 37 — Sylvester Goes To The Vet

  • Published: Feb 28, 2015
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Talking Kitty Cat

The talking cat

How do you deal with an evil black cat who refuses to go to the vet? You have to be a little tricky! Flaggle Claggle.

16. Talking Kitty Cat 52 — Daddy Issues

  • Published: Feb 20, 2017
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Talking Kitty Cat

The talking cat

Things get disgusting when Sylvester (the talking kitty cat) is asked to look after Gibbyson as his own son. Random is violated, and Shelby (the dog) is missing.

17. Cats Talking With Their Humans Compilation 2017 [NEW]

  • Published: Feb 26, 2017
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By FunnyClix

The talking cat

These cats really love talking, arguing. just having a serious, deep conversations with their humans. // Subscribe to our channel, share and thumb up this video .


  • Published: Jul 13, 2017
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By shane

The talking cat

New Podcast Episode: iTunes: SoundCloud: .


  • Published: Oct 04, 2011
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By tickyul

The talking cat

Cats, what the hell is wrong with them, scream their bloody heads off.

20. Talking Kitty Cat — ♫ Stupid Stupid World ♫

  • Published: Aug 16, 2014
  • Duration: Unknown
  • By Talking Kitty Cat

The talking cat

Sylvester the Talking Kitty Cat sings his original song ‘Stupid Stupid World’. With Stevecash83, Gibson and Shelby. Flaggle Claggle .

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Dispatches From Direct-To-DVD Purgatory is a periodic check-in on what’s going on in the world of movies that didn’t make it to theaters.

For me, the defining moment in Eric Roberts’ late-period career (the period that might charitably be deemed “the loser years”) was when Mickey Rourke, in a glorious display of Mickey Rourke-itude, inexplicably but wonderfully used his acceptance speech for winning Best Actor at the Independent Spirit Awards for The Wrestler to issue a gonzo appeal to independent filmmakers everywhere to stop shunning Eric Roberts for past misdeeds and give him the comeback role he so richly deserved. 

Apropos of seemingly nothing, Rourke ranted to a hypnotized, confused, and likely inebriated crowd. (This was the Independent Spirit Awards, after all, an institution locked in a decades-long drinking game with the similarly booze-sodden Golden Globes.) “Eric Roberts! I just want to say one thing about Eric Roberts. Eric Roberts is probably the best actor I’ve ever worked with. I don’t know why, in the last 15 years, ain’t nobody given him a chance to show his shit again because whatever he did 15 years ago, 20 years ago, it should be forgiven. I’m goddamned serious about that. Eric Roberts is the fucking man, and he deserves, like I have, like I got, he deserves a second chance. And I wish there was one goddamned filmmaker in this room who would let him fly because the man, he is something else. Thank you, Eric. Eric will probably be arrested by the end of the day but, anyway. ” 

The talking cat

Rourke was implicitly telling the crowd—and by extension, show business, and by extension, the universe—that he knows irredeemable scumbags. Hell, to much of the world, Rourke personifies the concept of an irredeemable scumbag. Yet as a good friend and admirer of Roberts (and quite possibly his new agent), he could vouch for the fact that deep down, under all the sleaze, shame, desperation, drug addictions, public estrangement from his family, domestic-abuse charges, and self-destruction, Roberts was just like him: a humbled and wiser scumbag who has learned from his experiences and will triumph, The Wrestler-style, if given the opportunity. 

Like Mickey Rourke, Roberts has a real gift for terrifying intensity, but terrifying intensity only works in a limited variety of contexts. When casting a romantic leading man, for example, you don’t necessarily want a guy who looks like he might beat someone to death with his fists in a drunken bar fight or stab someone with a shiv in a prison shower, as Roberts clearly does. In retrospect, it’s strange that Julia Roberts, America’s sweetheart, emerged from the same swampy genetic stew as her sinister older brother, or that adorable Emma Roberts began her journey to existence inside Eric’s grimy testicles. 

For Roberts, his terrifying 1983 performance in Bob Fosse’s underrated Star 80 as Paul Snider—the tortured real-life hustler who brutally murdered his estranged wife, Dorothy Stratten—was a career-defining turn in both a good and a bad way. Roberts was a victim of his own success and talent. He was so scarily convincing and believable as a bitter, rage-choked lunatic so overcome with hatred that he would torture and murder a woman rather than see her succeed with someone else, it became hard to buy him as anything but the kind of violent lunatic who might torture and kill a woman. 

The life Roberts led off-screen seemed to mirror and echo the intense, often violent, sometimes obsessed, dangerous characters he played onscreen. He was arrested in the ’80s for resisting arrest after getting busted with coke and weed; he was arrested in the ’90s for assaulting his wife (presumably the offense Rourke was begging the world to forgive), and in more recent years he appeared on Celebrity Rehab for an addiction to medical marijuana. 

So casting directors and filmmakers can be forgiven for looking at Roberts and seeing a dark, tormented figure who is best cast in roles as heavies or psychopaths or men on the edge. The directors of the instant camp classic A Talking Cat. , however, looked at the one-time Academy Award nominee and saw something slightly different: the voice and personality of a sassy little pussycat who teaches life lessons to a pair of hopelessly bland families. 

Rourke’s impassioned plea for some fearless iconoclast to give Roberts “a chance to show his shit again” and be afforded an opportunity to fly anew was answered not just by the geniuses behind A Talking Cat. —a film that seems incredulous about its own existence—but also by seemingly every other low-rent filmmaker in the universe. 

According to his IMDB page, Roberts is scheduled to appear in no less than 41 films this year. Seriously. Obviously some of those films will not be released this year, or ever, but that’s still a staggering volume of work for an actor outside the world of pornography. That helps explain why Roberts seems to have recorded the entirety of his voiceover in a single take via a shitty cell phone—fuck-ups, mumbling, and incoherence be damned.  

When you make 41 films in a year, with titles ranging from Six Gun Savior (which typecasts him as “The Devil”) to Taco Shop (where he plays “Old School Eddie”) you can’t afford to be a perfectionist, or even redo takes, apparently, since you’re scheduled to make three more films that afternoon.   

A Talking Cat. opens with Roberts’ talking cat, Duffy, wandering through the woods while enthusing:

“I like the woods. I always have. Don’t get me wrong. I like to be indoors on a nice, fluffy bed as much as anyone, more than anyone, probably. I’ve heard them say, ‘It’s the simple things you should appreciate most.’ Mmmm hmm. And right now it’s the wind in the trees and the smells in the air. This place has magic! And people nowadays are way more concerned with their tiny, shiny, beeping machines than they are with the simple joys of living. Sometimes I’m propelled to come out to this place and do a little meditation, they call it, or communing with nature, or just letting the magic guide me. Because I help people. Even if they don’t know they need help, because as I’ve discovered, people need all the help they can get!” 

Roberts is aiming for a level of whimsy that would strain Wes Anderson, let alone a guy who could go toe-to-toe with Gary Busey for sheer visceral creepiness. It’s as if the director was instructing Roberts, “Now Eric, I want you to slur ‘nice fluffy bed’ like you’re at the tail end of a 10-day whiskey-and-cocaine jag and you’re fantasizing about a place to sleep, because you have not slept, or sat down, or even stopped talking, in over a week.” That, I suspect, is direction that would resonate with Roberts more than something like, “You’re an adorable kitty cat, and you just love to curl up in your favorite snuggly little resting place!” 

From the moment Roberts’ narration kicks in, A Talking Cat. engenders the intense cognitive dissonance suggested by its title. The brain rebels and adamantly refuses to fire the synapses necessary to create the illusion that the voice on the soundtrack somehow comes out of a cat and not a grizzled, angry old character actor. Suspension of disbelief becomes impossible. The cat and Roberts’ voice don’t seem to inhabit the same universe, let alone the same space. 

A Talking Cat. is really an exercise in pushing the boundaries of constructive editing far beyond their breaking point. The filmmakers seem to think that with the right editing and context, audiences will gaze at a static shot of a spectacularly uncharismatic cat staring blankly at nothing in particular and imagine a rich inner life for said cat, or at least the capacity for thought. 

When Roberts’ voice accompanies shots of the cat, there’s at least the suggestion, however unconvincing, that the voice is coming out of the cat, or perhaps represents the cat’s inner monologue, but that dissipates entirely whenever the cat leaves the shot and Roberts’ disconnected voice serves as a surreal backdrop to random shots of nature. 

This brings us to the first of the film’s many fatal flaws. I love cats on an almost unhealthy level. At one point I had five cats living in my apartment. When I had to give away my cats because my wife is violently allergic, I got a cat tattoo so that I could always be around at least a symbolic representation of a cat, if not the real thing. As someone who loves cats deeply and unconditionally, I can tell you that the main cat in A Talking Cat. is fucking dreadful. The worst. It would need to improve dramatically in every facet just to rise to the level of mediocrity. Watching the film, I was reminded of this great article from our sister publication The Onion. How awful is the title cat? It’s so non-photogenic and dull that the DVD box features a different, much cuter, and much younger cat. 

A Talking Cat. casts Roberts as a magical talking cat who enters the lives of a pair of families led by single parents with a divine sense of purpose. Johnny Whitaker, who many years ago played an adorable sprite on Family Affair, stars as the head of one family, a wealthy computer magnate who stomps home one day and announces to son Justin Cone, “It’s over. The company. We sold the websites, the interfaces, the code that I worked half of my life on. Sold myself out of a job! Now they say I have enough money to retire.” 

The model-pretty son barely pays attention to the news that his dad has sold his entire business and is now free to spend all his time bonding with him. Clad in tight jean shorts and splayed suggestively on a couch, Cone barely looks from his book to sneer, “Didn’t you already have enough money?”

Children stars tend to oscillate between extremes: They either grow up to be either the most gorgeous people in the universe (Jennifer Connelly, Elizabeth Taylor) or they grow up to look like weird, sagging, depressing caricatures of their former selves. Whitaker falls into this second category. Compounding the awkwardness, the vibe between him and Cone has a weirdly homoerotic quality, as if the actual relationship at play was one between moody rent boy and love-struck sugar daddy, not loving father and son. 

Kristine DeBell heads the other, poorer family as a perpetually stressed, irritable caterer with an obnoxiously ambitious, business-minded teenaged daughter (Janis Peebles) and a hunky son (Daniel Dannas) who desperately lacks faith in himself. You only get one chance to make a first impression, so Cat makes the most of DeBell’s entrance by introducing her looking for her shoes and braying about wanting to impress a client, quipping to her children, “I’ve got to start setting up at the Simmons’ cocktail party and they’re not going to want to see my toes. They are our best customers! They deserve toe-free appetizers!” 

Roberts functions in the film as something of a Manic Pixie Dream Cat. He swoops unexpectedly into the lives of troubled souls and fixes all their problems with a combination of sage advice and joie de vivre. By this point, you’re probably asking yourself, “A talking cat. What the fuck. How on earth can a fucking cat talk? What manner of motherfuckery or black magic is involved?” Thankfully, Roberts has a monologue where he helpfully explains to a disbelieving teenaged boy, “I’m a talking cat, but I can only talk to a person once. There’s a collar my original owner gave me buried under a grove of magical trees due north of here. Look for a big fallen tree just through a thick hedge. It looks like a fuzzy green wall. That collar also lets me help people.” I’m pretty sure dialogue like that is exactly what Rourke was talking about when he implored a cold and uncaring movie business an opportunity to let Roberts really spread his wings and soar. 

Why can Duffy only talk to a person once? Duffy never explains, merely huffing that those are the rules and he can’t change them. For most films, limiting a defining characteristic—in the case of A Talking Cat. , that would be a cat that talks—to a handful of instances would feel like the worst kind of cop-out. Here it feels almost noble: The filmmakers are sparing themselves and us some embarrassment, since Duffy “talks” using the most hilariously flimsy, home-computer-level special effects known to man. 

A Talking Cat. is filled with dead space—not in the 1970s, Robert Altman-tragicomedy-of-everyday-life kind of way, but rather in the sense that there are countless shots of people walking or sighing or wandering around that serve no conceivable purpose but to fill out the film’s insanely padded 85-minute running time. 

Take, for example, the scene where Cone humors his rich, connection-hungry father by suggesting that maybe they’ll order pizza or something later, then walks upstairs to his room: It doesn’t just cut from Cone’s words to the next scene, as a filmmaker with even a basic grasp on the language and rules of professional filmmaking would. No, we follow Cone all the way up the stairs and to the second floor just to let the audience know that, I dunno, he didn’t have a fatal seizure halfway up the stairs. 

It’s not enough for a character to say he’s driving somewhere. No, we need to follow a single boring car on an unexceptional road all the way from its start to its destination, with nothing remotely non-tedious occurring along the way. I suppose that I should just be happy this isn’t occurring in real time and that there isn’t a half hour of Whitaker driving cautiously on an empty road to his destination. 

Then again, Cat has about 12 minutes’ worth of plot, so it has to dole it out sparingly. Duffy acts as something of a feline Amelie who uses his magical powers of speech and his gifts as a “human whisperer” to set up the pouty teenaged boy with the obnoxious girl he’s tutoring in English. A Talking Cat. inspires so little sympathy for its characters, human or otherwise, that when Duffy gets hit by a car in the third act, I was actually rooting for his death, and I say that as an inveterate cat lover. But astonishingly, the worst and craziest is yet to come. 

After Duffy is hit by a car, he hovers close to death, Dannas conveniently remembers what Duffy told him about the magical collar under the magical tree in the magical forest. They slap the magical collar on Duffy and through the magic of terrible, terrible special effects, Duffy roars back to life in time for a film-wide happy ending. Reportedly, A Talking Cat. cost $1 million, which makes me wonder where the other $990,000 went. It sure as shit isn’t on the screen. 

Watching A Talking Cat. with equal parts disbelief, horror, and delirious guilty enjoyment, I found myself guessing that the filmmaker had never even seen a film before, let alone written one. Oh dear Lord. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Director David DeCoteau hadn’t just directed a film before. According to his IMDB credentials, he has directed more than a hundred films under various aliases. 

Why would he need various aliases? Well, it appears the director’s interests are eclectic and far-flung. He began with Roger Corman, segued to directing gay porn films, then moved on to Charles Band productions and children’s films. Cat’s abysmal animal acting is even more egregious and outrageous when you consider that the film comes from the director of A Halloween Puppy as well as the other two entries in the holiday-themed baby-dog trilogy, An Easter Bunny Puppy and A Christmas Puppy. 

A Talking Cat. is characterized by a bizarre dearth of extras: There is literally no one in the movie except for the members of the two families and the cat, and the only settings are the two family homes and the roads and wilderness between them. If the film feels like it was shot on a softcore porn film set by a softcore gay porn director, that’s for a very good reason: It was.  Renaissance man DeCoteau alternates between kids’ films like the holiday puppy trilogy and this and the softcore gay porn films he makes under the 1313 name, sometimes using the same sets. 

This film just boggles the imagination. It disgraces and shames a sketchy subgenre (low-budget talking-animal movies) seemingly beneath shame and disgrace. Since its hyperventilating title contains a question mark, I’m going to answer it. A Talking Cat. Oh, fuck no. I barely believe that waste of fur is a cat, let alone a talking one stuck playing a half-assed Garfield reconceived as a smug life coach. 

A Talking Cat. has ruined me for all other films. No wait. I got that wrong. I meant to write that it ruined films for me, and cats in the process. For better or worse, it’s a kiddie version of The Room or Birdemic that delivers bizarre, unselfconscious, unintentional laughter from start to finish. 

Just how bad is it? It is unbelievably awful in an incredibly fun way. For lovers of utter, unredeemable trash, it is highly recommended.

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